Screen Time and Kids

I have been intending to write this blog post for some time but have struggled with just what to say and most importantly, to advise. Many parents, including me, debate how much screen time to allow their children. Moreover, it is difficult to monitor what kids are watching or doing on smart phones, tablets, computers, and TV. Parents worry about the effect of screen time, video games of all sorts, and how to make sense of it all. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recently revised its decade-old policy regarding screen time, recognizing that the previous "2 hours a day" rule no longer applies, especially given the amount of screen time required for school work alone. AAP recommendations now include having a "media plan" for your child, including turning off screens well before bedtime, and promoting a healthy "media diet". I applaud the AAP recommendations but also understand just how difficult it is to get a child away from a screen, as well as the effect of screen time on the brain. Here are some thoughts:

• Video games, movies, and so on are addictive: they may be designed to teach or to entertain but they are also designed to make money. A child does not and cannot understand the exact difference between reality and fantasy. My 7 year-old starting crying one day because he was afraid the dragons in one of his iPad games would starve unless he returned to the game to feed them. This created a teaching opportunity but also demonstrated just how quickly a child can get hooked and simply not understand that a game is just a game. Brains get into patterns -- adaptive or less so -- and then keep repeating those patterns. Ensure that you are helping establish good patterns for your child's behavior but also for his brain development -- they are not the same thing. 
• Help ensure that your child has balance in her life between various activities. Video games do not replace what a child can learn by being in nature, building, exploring, creating, running barefoot, drawing, or snuggling. 
• Nothing replaces relationship. Get to know what your child loves about whatever it is she likes to do, including video games. Sit with her while she plays, ask questions, engage with your child when it comes to gaming. I find this most difficult! My son is "all-boy" and I now recognize (in contrast to him) that I am a "girly-girl". I don't really like minions and storm troopers but he loves them. So, for a period of time each week, we talk minions and storm troopers. We have light saber fights complete with sound effects. The point is that it is the relationship that matters most. 
• Be aware of your parenting style. Authoritative parents set clear guidelines and expectations yet are warm and responsive. When it comes to screen time, authoritative parents have rules and boundaries. They listen, investigate, and then decide. 
• Use technology to help. You can download free screen timers and various apps to restrict access. Your child might object for a time but will then find other things to do, either online activities that are more age appropriate, toys, or her own backyard. 
• Stick together. Parents need to be completely on the same page when it comes to screen time. You can disagree in private but then come up with a plan to which you both agree. I recommend writing down your plan just to make sure you have a shared understanding of any new rules. 

Below is additional reading from the AAP about its new recommendations and from Parenting Science about the authoritative parenting style. 

http://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/Managing-Media-We-Need-a-Plan.aspx

http://www.parentingscience.com/authoritative-parenting-style.html